Warning: This story will make me look un-ladylike and is not meant for those who cannot handle normal bodily function stories. Rated R for Ridiculous.
The expo was great, James and I actually stayed and enjoyed it this year in comparison with the 2009 Austin Marathon where I got so nervous at the expo I made us leave early. We spent our time going to the different booths and looking at all the gear. I am always excited to get the free samples and was super pumped that they gave out little bite sized Larabars (YUMO). We were all set for the big day the next day and had a low key evening with pasta that night.
I woke up early race day morning in order to eat and have PLENTY of time for an AM BM. I sat around the house after eating some oatmeal and blueberries just waiting. My biggest fear was having to go to the bathroom during the race and I was doing all I could this year to prevent that from happening. My thought was, if I could just go before, I’d be golden. An hour passes and nothing. I then turn to my expo bag and look at my Larabars. Let’s see, prune Larabar? Sounds like a good idea to me! That will definitely make me go before the race. So what did I do? Took down the bar then continued to wait. James and I left the house and met some more of our crew at Rogue to park there before we headed to the start. Still nothing. We got to the start and I stood in line with my friend Molly for the port-a-potties. Got to the front of the line, nothing. We then got with our pace group (3:40) in order to qualify for Boston, that was the goal at this race. I’m all set, gun is about to go off, Rick Perry is giving a little speech/prayer, and we’re off. Right as it’s time to start I think, “Shoot, I could probably go now…but it’s too late.”
So I’m off. Down Congress, miles 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 go by. My friend Lucy who had already ran Boston was going to meet me at mile 15 and pace me the rest of the way. I see her and she starts running with me, “How are you feeling?” she asks, “You’re right on pace!” I then turn to her and say, “I have to go to the bathroom…” I go into a port-a-potty right before the bridge on 35th street. Success! I come out of the port-a-potty and we continue on. “No problem, we aren’t that far off from the pacers, we’ll be able to catch up!” Lucy tells me.
We keep running until mile 19, after Great Northern, I feel it again…the prune Larabar…back for revenge. I look around and there are NO port-a-potties…this was a life or death situation. I look to my left and there is a woman cheering on the runners in her front yard with a table of mimosas. I run up to her and say, “Can I use your bathroom??” Desperation is all over me. She then says, “In my house?? Ugghh…isn’t there port-a-potties?” She was NOT ok with this idea. I then say, “It’s too late! They’re too far! I can’t go any further!” You’d think we were in a war scene by the desperation and worry in my voice. She finally says, “Uhhh, sure go straight and take a left down the hallway.” I run in the house, jump over her startled cat and make it. HOME FREE! I thank her again and again as Lucy and I continue on to downtown. I don’t really care about time at this point, I’m just glad my oops poops wasn’t a true oops poops.
We continue on towards the finish. The usual pain coming on at mile 23 and I finish in 3:47. I was pretty proud that I was just 7 minutes off my goal time with 2 significant bathroom breaks. I was glad to get a PR and would come to find out that I would run the Chicago marathon in 3:33 and beat the Boston Qualifying time by 7 minutes that next October. Lucky number 7.
For those of you who have this same problem, I have now learned that a simple bagel, peanut butter, and banana is a much better option before a race. The moral of the story is…stay away from prune Larabars but always know that if worst comes to worst, go ahead and ask a friendly bystander to use their bathroom, even if he or she is hesitant, it’s better than going in her front yard.
Come join us in our tour of Austin’s finest residential bathrooms …
Post By: Jordan Dodds