by Mandy Deen
Q: Where should I park at Rogue!?
A: I dunno, but for sure not across the street in the parking garage at Tacos y Tequila. They’ve sent letters.
Q: I want to be super cool and ride my bike to Rogue. Where I can park my bike?
A: I dunno that either, but for sure not on the handicapped parking spot sign post unless you’ve had prior approval from Dee. And don’t worry, you’ll know if you have her approval.
Q: I don’t have a running background. What are “quality workouts” and should I be scared?
A: It’ll all be explained by your coach. Save your fear for real things, like spiders or the lingering ambiguity about what you’re really doing with your life and whether everything is going to be okay after all (WHAT IF ITS NOT?!?)
Q: What’s the worst workout?
A: Yassos. Anything on the track kind of blows. Unless you like that flat and boring kind of thing. But it’s okay, we all have our faults.
Q: It’s raining and 50 degrees outside. Do I have to go run?
A: Cold rainy run = whiskey tea after! Unless it’s storming, then no, don’t go run. Safety first. Tree branches could fall on you! But be warned: at least five people in your group will go run in the storm anyway and post about it on Facebook later. So.
Q: What’s happening to my toenails?
Q: Who are all those people on Saturday mornings!? Where do they come from? I’m not a social butterfly, I feel awkward, what do I do?!
A: Middle school awkward turtle playbook:
1) make a beeline for the map wall.
2) find a quiet corner and stare at your map whilst covertly scanning the room for someone you know from your group.
3) join a friendship circle for 16+ miles of complaining and delirious humor. Problem solved.
A2: OR you could do something mature and sign up for water stop duty now and again to interact with everyone and alleviate your social anxiety that way. Rogue also pays well for this.
Q: But I AM a social butterfly and I enjoy the energy of running and talking in a large group very early in the morning!
A: Please do not run up directly behind me and camp out there for five miles. #personalspacebubble
Q: On long runs, when I come into a water stop, I have noticed that some people will get a cup of water and then stand right in front of the cooler to drink it while everyone waits behind them. Is that a thing?
A: Nope. they’re doing it wrong. #waterstopetiquette
Q: What is ‘core class’ and should I go to it?
A: If you aren’t crossfitting or triathleting or yoga-ing or playing sand volleyball 3 times a week or commuting via kayak, then yes, you probably should. The main thing I hear about from people who attend is how sore they are the next day!
Q: What is that statue thing in the parking lot at Rogue?
A: It’s the petrified remains of a Rogue who happened to get caught by a basilisk. Next question.
Q: Who are those people that are always loud and drinking after workouts on Tuesday nights?
A: That’s Team Rogue, PM, Night Time is the Right Time. I would like to apologize in advance.
Q: Is it acceptable to sing during workouts?
A: Singing during workouts brings joy and amusement to the teammates around you during 100 degree evenings. It is considered a public service. Enthusiasm is valued over vocal skill.
Q: When’s the best time on a run or workout to ask involved philosophical questions?
A: Juuuuuuuuuust before a big hill.
Q: My _____ kind of hurts. Should I ignore it?
A: Probably not. You should email your coach immediately and use many superlatives. It’s better to find out you just need new shoes than to tough it out and end up with a stress fracture and 6 weeks in a boot.
Q: I just got a GPS watch for Christmas!
A: Congratulations! From now on, if you don’t wear it and log every single run on Strava and Facebook, it’s like it didn’t even happen. Also be sure to comment about your pace on each and every post! Otherwise people might not realize it was just “easy run pace” for you and think you’re actually some kind of slowbie. Also, if you happen to get a Strava Course Record somewhere in Austin, it just means Rogue AC hasn’t done a workout there yet. But they will. Eventually.
Q: Should I run the Austin Marathon?!
A: You live here, you know how these hills are! You decide. But, you should at least find a spot on the route with your other teammates and cheer everyone on. Those poor souls are gonna need it.
Q: Are people in my group secretly being competitive during workouts?
A: Hmmmmm. Maybe some of them. But don’t let it put you off, some people are just built that way! As the French say: “ne t’en fait pas” (don’t make any bile about it).
Q: I have questions about quality craft beers, good restaurants, or fancy kinds of baking recipes.
A: Great!! Someone on your team has the answers to those questions! Make use of your brain trust.
Mandy Deen has run with Rogue since deciding to take on the Dallas Marathon in 2012. She is currently a proud member of Team Rogue PM, a professional librarian and is also the author of The Rundown’s most popular 2014 post, The Rogue Map of Austin.